17. The Uneven Mirror
I miss Vanadiel.
One of the simplest statements I have ever made on this blog, if not the silliest. First of all, I haven't entirely abandoned it. Secondly, how can I possibly miss a place that does not exist?
A few questions I propose to myself. Why do I find this statement to be silly? Why do I miss Vanadiel, if I haven't even left it? Why do I, despite all of the above, still regard it as a place?
This statement is silly, because I don't believe I can rationally agree to my having attached any deeper and truer sentiments that could agree with the term "miss" to a video game. Had I said "I miss playing Final Fantasy XI", I would not have regarded that statement as being silly. One can certainly miss the absence of playing the game and not the game itself. Had I said "I miss the friends or people I encountered in FFXI" that phrase itself would have again justified the word "miss" as the people who play the game are in reality living persons, whom one can regret the absence of. And in all honesty, I don't believe I profoundly miss either playing the game (though I still do and still find it - especially owing to lack of time - utterly frustrating) and I certainly cannot possibly miss the people in it, the reason for this will be given after I answer another question: "who are the people in the game?"
Therefore, to make sense of the statement "I miss Vanadiel" and to be able to properly answer my questions, I put forth the following; defining Vanadiel, or in other terms; defining a virtual world. Once I have conceptualized this word or term, it will be easier to understand it and everything in its context.
Vanadiel=virtual world. Ok. so far so good. Virtual world does not = real world. Virtual world ~ real world? Getting there. Real world=a dimension one perceives with one's five senses. Virtual world=nope. uhhh...nevertheless a dimension yes, a perceived dimension, yes again. Real world--> people. Virtual world-->people? yes and no. existing people? yes and no. Duality, duality...fantasy ever mixing with reality. <-Answer to be found somewhere there, which takes me back to my other post. That border, that surreal border.
We can only understand Vanadiel, id est a virtual world at a higher level of abstraction. (I am continuing this in the evening after lectures and I'm even sleepier lol...I totally lost my thread of thought...)
VANADIEL / VIRTUAL WORLD= (rough copy format ;)) a fictive dimension that consists of fictive and non-fictive elements. The fictive components heavily outweigh the non-fictive ones. I divide the fictive elements into imagined and perceived; I also divide the non-fictive elements into preconceived imagined and factual. (Now comes the fun part)..the fictive elements (I stress the word element, as I am referring to fictive elements and not to fictive per se) cannot be factual but the non-fictive elements can very well be imagined...a serious paradox. Non-fictive=factual? No duh. Imagined=non-fictive? Umm...that is why I again stress the word ELEMENTs. Naturally, I'm describing typically Weberian ideal types...none of these terms exist in themselves. I'm not happy with the precise words though...well, I'll leave it at that for now.
Ok, let me get this by going back to my "who are the people in Vanadiel" and why I cannot possibly miss them.
The people (here comes a paradox again) exist and do-not exist at the same time. In other words, the people I perceive are not the people that exist, nor are they the people I imagine. Let me take a real life person. He or she will be the "non-fictive element". The factual non-fictive element is Bob working at the gas-station, who is a short, unattractive, fat and fair-headed guy. The imagined non-fictive element is Bob working at the gas-station, whom I imagine to be a very tall, attractive, well-toned and brown-haired guy. (Not that looks are supposed to matter, but hey, this is just an example :D - it gets even more interesting when the girl is actually a guy or who knows, the other way around even?) Now take this ideal and mix it with another. The fictive element. The perceived fictive element is the elvaan pixel-figure I see and that Square Enix designed x years ago. The imagined fictive element is the elvaan, who bears an uncanny resemblance in character (not in features) to Legolas of Lord of the Rings (brave, noble, etc. - not that I was ever fond of Legolas but ah well, just an example again - association with the word elf - elvaan) and who hails from San d'Oria of Vanadiel with an incredible past of completed missions and quests and who-knows what other otherworldly feats. And what do I get? I get (oh my, to come up with some kind of auto-generated name - better an npc) a hybrid-being; Bonmaurieut of San d'Oria.
Can I possibly, in all reality, miss Bonmaurieut of San d'Oria? No. He does not exist. Can I miss Bob? Not really, because I don't know Bob or the Bob I think I know doesn't exist. And if he existed? Even then, that Bob could never be just a Bob I know and miss, because take Bonmaurieut away from Bob and all that remains is a Bob that is not the Bob I have come to know and like. Ok, so much for missing people. Let's keep Bob in San d'Oria and Vanadiel. There are other Bobs and Joes to worry about and to miss in the real world anyway.
Can I miss Vanadiel? Yes. But it doesn't exist either! So what does exist? A dimension. The dimension that not only consists of its fictive and non-fictive elements, but that is much more than that. Kind of like society (more than its elements). It is more than its elements, because it is a space existing in our minds but also a collective space, existing in the minds of others as well. Ok, I could go on forever but (I always do ramble nonsense when I'm sleepy) what I think are really significant are the sentiments we experience when taking part in this space. The trite joy at seeing prettyish and well-deserved gear on my elvaan character, the thrill of defeating that horrific orc, the sadness at listening to either tales spun by the creators of the game or by those I conceive in my own head (percieved versus imagined fictive), the delight of that non-existing beauty those graphics or those melodies offer nevertheless beauty all the same...and of course, the happiness those friends who exist and don't exist at the same time give me when helping me get that dearly desired utsusemi-ni scroll or that second limit-break, mission etc. And Vanadiel is more than just playing a game or being a game precisely because of its factual elements. It makes one almost believe that Vanadiel and its people exist. And they do, but only in the realm of Vanadiel itself, which is exactly why one can only miss Vanadiel as a whole and not in its parts...
Oh, and why do I miss Vanadiel if I haven't even left it? Precisely because owing to lack of time, I cannot fully partake of it. Only an hour or two (at best) a day or week cannot possibly manifest the same full and complex world I had previously experienced.
Ah, and silly? Is my statement still silly? In a way, yes. Because just as I can only miss the people of Vanadiel when considering them in the context of Vanadiel, so too can I only miss Vanadiel in its own space. Vanadiel only exists when you are in it. But then why and how can I miss it outside of it? *Sigh* a paradox...and a silly one at that...
Posted by Serenata at 18:50 0 comments Links to this post
Pause the Past
The world of the past, which my thoughts and writing recreate, seems to bear resemblance to that Vanadiel I will speak about in my next and very long post. (I wrote it already but haven't posted it yet.) It too is a constructed world consisting of fictive and non-fictive elements and a dimension in itself, though naturally, owing to it having existed at one period, this space is predominantly factual...the non-fictive parts of the past and those of the present imbued with the imagined elements contributed by my own thoughts...
lovely, my favourite version of La Follia played by Music of the Spheres:
--> Corelli: Sonata XII - La Follia (Music of the Spheres)http://magnatune.com/artists/albums/spheres-spheres/
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Interlude
Been rather busy and unable to continue my rambling ruminations.
Meantime, while browsing YouTube, I accidentally stumbled on some lovely music - certainly inspiring while I muse on other projects of mine. Thought I might as well share it as it is new to me, it might well be so to others. Very enthralling and poignant. Eleni Karaindrou's a marvellous composer.
http://www.youtube.com/user/Safaraportugal#play/uploads/17/w0olQg_h7co
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56wm6mNe1WI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rcs1OC2Sus&NR=1
Posted by Serenata at 22:26 0 comments Links to this post
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
16. Gallery, Labelling and Vivaldi
I compiled a little gallery of my character for more reasons than one. One of them may be because I am so fond of these graphics and another, because I wish to share these images with "some" of my friends and acquaintances. It's rather interesting actually, how - as a female game-player - if I didn't have any particular reason to mention my being fond of FFXI, I simply didn't bring it up. Now, I'm not all that covert about it.
Though gaming is entirely taking over other forms of entertainment and becoming ever more popular, it seemsto me that it is still considered to be predominantly a "men's world" and that there is to some degree a stereotypical image of who and what a player should be. I, for one, certainly don't fit that preconceived picture and then I get the "you play videogames?" sort of weird look if I tell some of my friends. On the other hand, from the other side of the virtual-real life mirror, I get the "nah, you're probably a guy" reaction, so it's a no-win situation.
I think it would be high time to finally get people to realise what is proven to be fact (see Nick Yee's Daedalus - Demographics http://www.nickyee.com/daedalus/gateway_demographics.html and In Their Own Words http://www.nickyee.com/daedalus/archives/001470.php%20)%20in ) in other words, that the habitants of MMO worlds are indeed diverse in every respect.
Posted by Serenata at 21:28 0 comments Links to this post
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